The Christmas Cracker

Graham Cracker

Graham was the lord of all crackers. Cream crackers, crispbreads, water biscuits, saltines, oatcakes, Graham invented the lot. His signature creation was the Graham cracker, which was created in a hurry for the cheese course in one of the President’s dinner parties. It was named after Graham as a thank you, along with the awarding of medals.

The Christmas cracker was created following a misunderstanding. One day Graham was on the telephone to Mary Christmas (this was long before the internet), but the line wasn’t very clear. He thought he made out the words “Father Christmas…PRISON!…sleigh!!” Graham was aghast, it was nearly Christmas and Father Christmas should be delivering presents!!

Graham decided that this must be a mistake, Father Christmas should be freed so Christmas wasn’t ruined! He put on his special red coat, green crown (he was a lord after all), and set off for the North Pole. When he got there he found that Father Christmas was at his sleigh, his arms full of beautiful looking presents.

“What?!” Graham exclaimed. “I thought you were in prison! I came to bust you out!”
“Pardon Graham?” Father Christmas said in confusion. “I’ve been loading all the presents on to the sleigh, it’s a bumper load this year! ..but how were you going to get me out of prison?”
Graham sheepishly got all manner of tools out of his coat (it had very big pockets).
“My dear man!” laughed Father Christmas. “You are such a lovely fellow! We must commemorate your loyalty, I propose we make a new toy in your honour!”
Graham managed a cheer through his embarrassment, and they went inside for a mince pie.

When Christmas Day arrived, Graham found a box of brand new Christmas Crackers waiting for him at his tree. They were red, with green crowns either side, decorated with gold ribbon, and contained a gift, hat and a joke. But when Graham found out how to get the gifts out of the cracker, he was horrified..!

Graham and Father Christmas have never spoken since.